Last night, just as the two nights before, I had a bad dream. All of them have been about N. leaving me in some way. Last night was the most disturbing, I dreamed that we broke up, and I woke up really upset. That was one of those moments I wished I could have turn around and snuggled up to N. But he wasn’t there. For a moment I actually considered calling him, but then I decided that was ridiculous. It was 5:50 am and I had to be up within an hour, N. a short while after me.
I decided to text him instead. I grabbed my phone and saw I had a message from him from just five minutes earlier. I replied to him and he was still awake. Turns out he had a bad dream as well and woke up around the same time I did. Not only that, but he had the same dream, only with our roles reversed – in his dream I left him. Weird, huh? (N. thinks it was because I told him about my dreams yesterday.) Anyway, it was good to get some reassurance from him and I drifted off back to sleep (only to be rudely awakened by my alarm clock 45 minutes later).
I’m not sure why I keep having these dreams. I reckon it must be because our relationship will experience some big changes soon, and while that is all sorts of exciting, it is also a tiny bit scary to be giving up so much here. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait and I wish the next two months would hurry up already, but it is also a little bit terrifying to move to another country.
I also know that I am a complete worrywart who is terrified of losing N., of anything happening to him, and it can be quite overwhelming if I let my imagination run amuck. I imagine that this might be my subconscious trying to deal with that fear.
I do hope these dreams will not become a regular thing. Waking up from them it always takes me a moment to realize it was just a dream, and a bad feeling seems to linger for a wee while even after I wake up.
Do you sometimes have dreams like this about your partner?