Nightmares

Last night, just as the two nights before, I had a bad dream. All of them have been about N. leaving me in some way. Last night was the most disturbing, I dreamed that we broke up, and I woke up really upset. That was one of those moments I wished I could have turn around and snuggled up to N. But he wasn’t there. For a moment I actually considered calling him, but then I decided that was ridiculous. It was 5:50 am and I had to be up within an hour, N. a short while after me.

I decided to text him instead. I grabbed my phone and saw I had a message from him from just five minutes earlier. I replied to him and he was still awake. Turns out he had a bad dream as well and woke up around the same time I did. Not only that, but he had the same dream, only with our roles reversed – in his dream I left him. Weird, huh? (N. thinks it was because I told him about my dreams yesterday.) Anyway, it was good to get some reassurance from him and I drifted off back to sleep (only to be rudely awakened by my alarm clock 45 minutes later).

I’m not sure why I keep having these dreams. I reckon it must be because our relationship will experience some big changes soon, and while that is all sorts of exciting, it is also a tiny bit scary to be giving up so much here. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait and I wish the next two months would hurry up already, but it is also a little bit terrifying to move to another country.

I also know that I am a complete worrywart who is terrified of losing N., of anything happening to him, and it can be quite overwhelming if I let my imagination run amuck. I imagine that this might be my subconscious trying to deal with that fear.

I do hope these dreams will not become a regular thing. Waking up from them it always takes me a moment to realize it was just a dream, and a bad feeling seems to linger for a wee while even after I wake up.

Do you sometimes have dreams like this about your partner?

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4 thoughts on “Nightmares

  1. Yup. You are going through a huge change in your life. You are moving to another country for a man, no matter how you twist and turn it, you probably wouldn’t have moved there at this time in your life without him. I had dreams just like this as well. That I would arrive and my Englishman would be all “Uhm, all good Nope. Don’t want to be together anymore”….

    So. Totally normal. I think that type of fear is deeply rooted in the depth of our conciousness and it comes out in a dream. :)

    • Thanks E. Really good to hear this is normal! Luckily I haven’t been having more of these dreams although I imagine they might come back.

  2. I had dreams like that from time to time after we just moved in together. We’ve been together for nine years now (and have lived together for seven) and those dreams stopped quite a few years ago. You two will be fine!

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