On misjudging others

While I have never been one of those girls who is popular and friends with everyone, I have always had my circle of friends. And while I have had my share of being … bullied … in high school, I am generally a trusting person. I am hesitant to call it bullying because I don’t think it was that horrible, just mostly one girl who would tease me when she got a chance, but nothing awful.

A few years ago, I had a rather formative experience while doing an internship. Essentially, a girl who worked at the company turned out to be a two-faced, back-stabbing b****, and I didn’t see it coming. Now, I’m sure we’ve all had our share of that kind of people in our lives, and I can live with someone not liking me. I prefer to be liked, of course, but you can’t get along with everyone, that’s just how life goes.

For example, there was a girl at work (who left a few months ago), where I always had the feeling that she didn’t like me. I didn’t really have any reason to think that, it was just a feeling. A few weeks ago, months after she left, I found out from someone else that my gut was right.

What really gets to me, though, is when I am taken by total surprise. When I think that we are getting along just fine, and then it turns out that the other person wasn’t being genuine, that’s when it really hits me like a ton of bricks.

What happened during that internship was one of those situations. It took me months to get over it, well, maybe I never did properly, because since then I am really sensitive, especially when it comes to trusting people at work. My self-esteem really took a hit, and what’s maybe worse, I wasn’t sure anymore whether I could trust my intuition.

During the summer I became quite close with a co-worker. I use the term close loosely, because our friendship was still limited to work, but we shared our frustrations with work with each other and just seemed to get along really well. I was the only one she told about a new job offer she had and I told her about the move I had planned. After she quit to take that new job, we were supposed to meet up two weeks later, only I never heard from her again.

I had texted her twice within the week before we were supposed to meet up, and didn’t get a reply, although she read the messages almost instantly. To be honest, my first thought was that she was not replying on purpose – ever since that internship, I am quick to take something like this personally and quickly assume the worst. N. calmed me down a bit and said that she might have just been busy or stressed with her new job and the holidays.

Today, over a month later, I texted her again, and I’ve not received a reply yet. By now I honestly don’t think it is merely by accident that she didn’t reply. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to stay in touch, because she acted completely differently before she left the company, and it does hurt my feelings because I thought we got on so well. It makes me wonder if I did or said anything to piss her off, or if she never liked me that much in the first place.

When something like this happens, I get incredibly anxious, questioning everything and everyone, especially at work, wondering if there is anyone else I misjudged so completely. It almost makes me happy to leave in a few months, because if I did, at least then I will not have to deal with them anymore.

On my way home I talked to another co-worker about it and she said that she never replied to the two girls from her department either. I guess it makes me feel a tiny bit better that I’m not the only one she is ignoring, that maybe she is simply trying to cut ties with the company and anyone she met at work, not something personal, but it still hurts. I really don’t know what to make of her now.

But I guess whatever it is, she isn’t worth it if she acts like this, so it’s best to move on and forget about her.


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