The hardest part isn’t losing the weight

A little over a year ago, I started a journey that changed my life in more ways than one. I signed up for MyFitnessPal, began eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and kept track of it all. Within half a year I lost over 50 pounds. In March I hit an important goal: I was no longer overweight. I weighed 71-72 kg and while I was still a few kilograms from my goal (65 kg), I was pretty damn close.

This was around the same time N. and I got together, my focus shifted a bit and I lost my momentum. For a few months, I was maintaining my weight around 71-73 kg without too many issues. Since June, however, my weight has been fluctuating between 73 and 77 kg, and I am not comfortable with it at all. Not only is there a definite upward trend (with occasional drops back to an acceptable weight in the lower 70s), it isn’t like I ever made my goal weight. And now, it seems, I am struggling to maintain, let alone lose any more weight.

Every few weeks, I spend a weekend in Edinburgh, where I always put on weight 1-3 kg (although I am sure that some of that is due to eating sodium-rich food). And it seems that by the time I have lost that weight, the next weekend is already around the corner. The best I seem to be able to achieve is get back to the weight I was before, never lower.

Now, I cannot just blame weekends in Edinburgh. Over the past few months, my eating habits have gradually gotten worse, and I have been exercising less. I never really got back into running after the winter was over, and some days my eating is outright horrible. I know exactly why I am not losing any weight, but it is so hard to get back into healthy living habits.

On Thursday, I re-did the oral glucose tolerance test from a year ago, to see if my insulin tolerance is gone. I have to wait until after the weekend to find out the results, but while I was still confident it was gone back in February, after going off the Metformin and after reaching a healthy BMI, I am no longer feeling that positive about it. I know that losing weight makes a big difference, and I am still 45 pounds down from the first time I took the test, but I also know that it isn’t just about losing the weight but about maintaining a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life. I will always be at higher risk for getting insulin resistance and diabetes because of my PCOS, and I think in a way, I have forgotten this a bit.

I am so much more comfortable with my weight but I am not as comfortable with it and my level of fitness (which has really dropped) as I was. I could kick myself for dropping the ball like this, because I just cannot seem to get back on track – back in the “zone”.

After I move to Edinburgh, I am planning to join the gym that is just 5 minutes walking distance from N.’s (then our) apartment, but I will have to find a way to make this work again for me before then. 5 months is a long time and I could do a lot of “damage” – or I could make the best of my time and fix some of the damage I have done in the summer.

I already knew from past experience that losing weight isn’t the hardest part – keeping it off and maintaining healthy habits for life is.


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