How it all began

A year ago, I met a man. Online of all places. We started talking and as the weeks went by, we went from sending each other e-mails to chatting on Skype to sending text messages. I knew early on that I really liked this man. But we’d never met, and while I lived in Germany, he lived in Scotland.

A couple of months into our friendship, he decided that he would come to my hometown to go to a gig, giving us the opportunity to meet in person and spend a weekend getting to know each other better.

While I knew that I had feelings for N. that went beyond a mere friendship, I wasn’t sure whether he felt the same way about me until a few weeks before we met in person. And even then, we were both worried that we might feel differently about each other once we’d met.

We met for the first time in March. We really hit it off and ended up spending the entire weekend together. We decided to give it a shot and delved into a long-distance relationship. Fast-forward to today. We have been in a relationship for nearly six months now, although we only get to be together for a weekend every month, occasionally making it a five-day weekend.

We talk on Facetime every day which is amazing because it feels like we are actually spending time together. Being able to see each other, talk, laugh together, make faces at each other, and blow each other kisses … it makes being apart most of the time so much easier.

But it’s not ideal. Being in a long-distance relationship is hard, we miss each other a lot and we never get to spend enough time together. Saying goodbye after just a couple of days together breaks my heart a little every time.

For a while now, I’d been planning to find a new job and move back to a bigger city in early 2013. I have been in my job since the beginning of last year, and while the job itself is okay, I am not really happy here. I live in a very small town and even though I’ve been here over a year and a half now, I haven’t really made friends. When some complications regarding my job were thrown into the mix, it became clear to me that I wanted to leave sooner rather than later. I did always want to stay in my job at least two years, and that plan hasn’t changed.

A few months into our relationship, I realized that in early 2013, we would be together for roughly a year, and while it is early, I was going to find a new job and move anyway. So why not move to Scotland to be with my boyfriend? It would give us the opportunity to finally have a normal relationship. Wake up together every morning, have dinner together, watch TV together, and spend the weekends together. All the everyday things we don’t get to share right now.

In the past few weeks, my idea has taken a little more shape. While I definitely want to spend the rest of this year in Germany, I am planning to start job hunting in about two months. I have to give three months notice for my apartment so I want to give myself until the end of December until I cancel my lease. That would give me a total of five months to find a new job, and I would be moving by the end of March at the latest. If I find a job sooner, I’d be happy, though.

At first, the idea of moving without having a job lined up in Scotland terrified me. It still does, but I realized that unless I want to stay in Germany for what could be a lot longer than I am planning, I will just have to take the leap at some point. I won’t be completely on my own. I know that I can rely on N. to support me in whatever way he can, and I hope to build up a small savings cushion in the next six months.

I do think that it would be a lot easier for me to find a job once I live there so if I do end up moving without a job, I hope it won’t take too long for me to find one.

So much for now. I decided to start this blog to document my journey over the next months of my life. I am excited about the upcoming changes but at the same time I am also a little scared. That is normal, right?


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